Doing that thing you thought was impossible

If someone would’ve told my younger self I’d be a mom before 28, be living in the Wild West, and loving it, I would not have believed them.

There’s two hours until its 2019 and I’m only now quietly sitting reflecting on 2018 and all thats transpired.

IMG_2735.JPG
IMG_0131.JPG

In April, my daughter Lily was born. By God’s grace I had an amazing birth, a spontaneous vaginal delivery without any medication or interventions. This insane, unbelievable adventure was one I went through with two of the closest people to me, my husband and my mom and thanks to an amazing healthcare team at the University of Utah Hospital in Salt Lake City.

I’ve been feeding my daughter breastmilk via: exclusively pumping, nursing and pumping, nursing, pumping, and bottle feeding, and back to exclusively breastfeeding with a bottle before bed. This has been the hardest battle I’ve fought in my entire life. I have never wanted something so bad for myself or for a person I love more than I’ve wanted to give the gift of breastmilk. It’s been a journey of so many ups and downs, twists and turns, tears of sadness and defeat, and pure joy and laughter. I am beyond thankful for the lactation consultants at Success With Breastfeeding out of Weber County that I am beyond speechless at this journey Lily and I have been on and am thankful for everyday I am able to exclusively nurse her. We’ve accomplished so much together!

I’ve traveled to NC where my mom lives twice, all four flights alone when Lily was three and then seven months old! Not easy, but overall all the flights went so much better than I anticipated and thankfully Delta workers and fellow passengers have greeted me with extraordinary kindness and patience.

When loneliness has reared its ugly head and sorrow and grief and hardship has weighed me down I’ve had wonderful mom-friends who’ve brought me lunch, coffee, dinner and more. They’ve listened to my endless chatter and questions and confusion and loved me the same. Some of these moms were from my church bible study, breastfeeding moms community, and MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. They’ve been absolutely amazing and I am so thankful for their endless support and encouragement as a mom, wife, and friend. They’ve encouraged me to rest and remember that self-care is important and necessary, especially as a mom.

And Lily pie. Lily bear. Yes, we called her Lily bear before she started growing. She is sweet, funny, intelligent, bashful, playful, and sassy. She doesn’t have a schedule but she does have a routine. She loves to be held and can’t play alone for long. She’s sweet sunshine on a cloudy day and winter warmth beyond compare. She reminds me the to do list can be further out of reach and that the boxes can be left unchecked. She is a beauty beyond compare and I am beyond blessed to be her mommy,

IMG_0168.JPG

Bryan. A strength and patience which knows no end and a quick-witty humor that still catches me off guard. His, “I just want to hold you’s” are the only thing that make me stop spinning. His, “of course I’ll hold our beautiful daughter,” and “of course, I can change that dipey,” (diaper) get me overtime. He has worked so hard to provide for our family’s needs and desires. His hardwork, by God’s grace has been recognized and I am thankful for every opportunity he’s extended to be the amazing leader he is in our home, at work too.

My mom and brother, their love and goofiness gets me overtime. Both so different but enjoying the worry free life of staying up late, sleeping in late, skipping breakfast and loving it. An amazing grandmother with dance moves like you wouldn’t believe.

And my in-laws. Hospitality with which no one can compare. Delicious home cooked meals from her and unmatched wit and comedy from him. Explorers with no bounds and relaxing because they worked so hard in order to be able to.

This post would never end if I mentioned all of my family, so to those reading not on here… you know you mean the world to me and our relationship and further your welcoming Lily into this community has melted my heart.

These are the things/people I’m thankful for and what I’ve loved seeing from them this year.

All in all, by God’s grace I’ve done two of the hardest things I never knew I’d have the honor of doing: growing and delivering a beautiful baby girl naturally and breastfeeding her. I hope and pray I can give her the best life possible in which she knows she is loved by me, her daddy, and even more by Jesus—the one who has helped me do the thing I thought was impossible.

May 2019 bring God the glory and praise He is due for His love endures forever! And may you experience His love and joy in this next year!